Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if only i could text you this smell
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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