loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
