i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
