he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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