watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
