He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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