she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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