the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
