He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have post one night stand depression
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
