My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
