I just pynch a tree in the face
I smell stomach acid.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Small penises have feelings too.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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