i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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