My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
