By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
