ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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