I love black thongs
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
