dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
