right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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