We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
