I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize