How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
