Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
