We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
