what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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