You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
