just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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