Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
