i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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