so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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