He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
