gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
