i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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