Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize