Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
