I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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