Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
