In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
