we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
