How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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