I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
