Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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