So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
