Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
birth control should be required to get into college
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
