chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
