there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
