if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
