We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
