Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
