My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
