I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize