im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
