I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
