The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
