would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
