break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
