No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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