You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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