Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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