so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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