just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
