Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My bed smells like the plague
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
