take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
