8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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