apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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