I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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