apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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