If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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