Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize