they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
