whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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