My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
