i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
