I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
