Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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