You really coming over, don't trick.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
