We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
