At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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