people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
