apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
