explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
