Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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