I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
