It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize