Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
