I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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