And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
