I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
