You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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